I thought I would give you a little peak into my mind. I know you are all sitting on the edge of your seats waiting to hear what wisdom I will give to you. Just hold on to your seats cause here I go.
I do some of my best thinking in the bathroom. There are times that I come out of the bathroom full of good ideas, although after I speak them out loud Eric is never as excited about them as I am. Anyway I'm not sure why it is that I do good thinking in there. Maybe because it's the only room in the house that I can actually get a few minutes to myself. This is what was going on in my head while I was getting ready for the day.
Erin was on my mind because we really had a bad day yesterday. She always has a pout on her face and just has a bad attitude. So as I am replaying the day through my mind I'm trying to figure out where I have gone wrong. I figure it's normal for a mother to question her parenting skills. I'm just feeling a little stressed and not sure what to do with her. I replayed a conversation Eric and I had after he came home. (He had taken Aiden to go hit some golf balls and Erin went to church with me, Erin had an episode at church also) As he walked in the door I said as politely as I could "Eric, just so you know....I'm done, she is bathed, pjs on I'm taking the rest of the night off." Even as I said it I knew it wasn't true because I can't ignore my kids. I can't ignore what is going on around me. I feel guilty for wanting some time away from them. I did end up being the one to put Erin to bed. As I was giving her a kiss goodnight I said to her "You know I love you right?" She of course said "yes" with a big smile.
From there my thoughts switched to the bible study we had that night. I am studying Esther it's a Beth Moore bible study. We are on the end of chapter six and beginning of chapter seven. When Esther reveals to king Xerxes Hamans plan to kill her and her people. She talked about how the story is starting to come full circle. There are things happening that will start to mimic the beginning but in reverse. She called it a reversal of destiny. So cool!! She is an amazing teacher and I love to watch her and listen to her speak. As I was remembering last nights video these are the two thoughts that came to me.
1. Wow, she is so dynamic and has so much knowledge of the bible. I wonder if I could ever be that knowledgeable. I envy those who can memorize scripture so easily and who have such an understanding of the bible and it's history.
2. I love the scenario, (those who have taken this will understand what I mean by scenario)
It's tough being a woman who feels responsible for the "how." Oh how I struggle with this.
I think about that time I was getting ready to dry my hair and I heard in the back ground....."Come here drizella, I'm tinker bell." This was Erin calling Aiden Drizella. My thoughts quickly went to this:
I really have got to get some boy movies for Aiden and I wonder if I could make some play dates for him with boys. I have this fear that he may start to believe that he is actually a girl. Who knows what Erin tells him when I'm not listening. We already have an issue with him calling his underwear panties.
.....and that everyone is how quickly my thoughts can go from deep and meaningful to completely irrational thoughts of my son thinking he might be a girl.