Tuesday, August 20, 2013

I am on this journey


This verse has some pretty special meaning in my husband. He used this verse when he asked my parents for permission to marry me. He also used this verse in many sermons/devotional talks he would give as a youth pastor. Even though this is a precious verse for my husband I've never really taken the time to sit down and discover what this verse could mean for me.

When I stop and consider all the places I have been and where I have come to now at this moment in my life I am amazed at how quickly it has passed. So I look at this verse and question has this been the race that God has marked out for my life and even more so did I run this race with my eyes on Him? Yikes!


I'm pretty sure I've got the running thing down. I've gotten really good at living the fast paced life. You know the one where you go go go all day long and barely get dinner before it's bed time and then you start it all over again the next day. It got so crazy at one point that when we would pick the kids up from school they would immediately ask us "are we going anywhere tonight? Who's house are we going to? do we have practice tonight?" if we were to ever answer those questions with a "no" we would hear a resounding "aaaawwwww but why not?" While it was great having children who truly loved our busy life style, but what were we teaching them. They had no appreciation for their own home or the desire to just be still for a moment. We needed to slow down our "race" this was not what God had in mind for our family. We were running a "race" but it was our own "race" not the one that God had specifically marked out for us. We had to slow down, readjust our gaze so that we were "fixing our eyes on Jesus". Once we did we have seen God's presence and his blessings on our life.


So Here I am again at the beginning of another new adventure in my life and I find myself taking off on this race and not paying attention to where I'm supposed to be looking. I am not a runner by any means ( I have dreams to be some day of course that would require more than just my few failed attempts to do the couch to 5k plan but another story for another day) in my few attempts at running I always found it easier to run when I was looking ahead instead of staring at the ground. The second I put my head down I start to get weary and lose momentum. The same is true when I take my eyes off of Jesus. I start to get weary, I lose my momentum and frankly there are days when I would rather quit. We are in a different phase of our life. It's a different kind of busy. We still have young kids but Eric is in a new role and so am I for that matter.


We have chosen to homeschool the kids for this year. It was a difficult decision and one that I still find myself questioning. We are starting some new and exciting things at church and there are moments when I feel very small and inadequate to accomplish them. We have the regular stresses that come with everyday life like trying to feed four children, make sure we can pay the bills. Eric and I have made some less than responsible decisions when it comes to our finances and I'd like to say we've learned from them but there are still those moments when I go into complete panic about how we're going to make it. What I have found though, is that these feelings come in huge waves when I have taken my eyes off of Jesus. I may be running this race but I'm running in circles.


So I am on this journey...I will run with perseverance this race and I will keep my eyes on Jesus.




Wednesday, August 14, 2013

We have moments in this house

 
 
Pure Joy
 

Moments of sickness

 
 
Discovering something new

 
Then we have moments of absolute devastation


In all these moments I don't want to take for granted what has been given to me. Even though some of the moments in our house are frustrating, tiring, and if I'm being honest, down right annoying to me.

I could have gone without the drama that followed Cinderella losing her head. Having four kids I have had my share of dealing with fevers, rashes, colds, puke, and every other body function that comes with being sick. Sometimes the mess that follows a day of playing dress up is overwhelming to all of us to clean up. There are days when I'd rather feed Nathan than let him try things on his own because I know it won't be quite as messy. I know I don't always appreciate the moments when we are in the midst of them but I am so very thankful that we have had them.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Lord forgive me....I wore jeans to church

I know that sounds very silly but here's what happened today. I was on the schedule to work the nursery today. I put on my comfy clothes, my jeans! I wanted to be free to crawl around on the floor with those precious kiddos. I was all ready to stay in the nursery until one of our precious moms came in looked at me and said "you go I'll stay" to which I ran to the door. Ok so I didn't really run to the door. I was actually a little caught off guard because my first instinct was "I'm not dressed to go into church". After this thought I began to realize how silly that was, but here is where that came from.
Here I am in this new role as a "pastors wife" trying to figure out what that means. I go back in my mind and think of all the pastors wives I know. My own from my home church as well as those Eric and I have met and worked with in his youth ministry years. They were all beautiful women. Always dressed just perfect, hair just right, make-up done just right and always had beautifully manicured nails. I realize that it's not about how you look or what you wear. God loves us as we are. I know this in my head but applying that to my daily routine is a little tough. I was a little embarrassed this morning to walk into church with jeans on. It"s as though I associate the way those woman looked with who they were spiritually. Nonsense right?
There are days when I feel like a tired ragged mommy and I like to look good. I like to dress nice, I like my hair to look just right and I love to have beautifully manicured nails. It makes me feel better I feel like people will see me and respect me because of how I look. When Eric was in youth ministry I felt a little more protected from people. While I was being watched by my teenage girls I wasn't quite in the spotlight that I feel I'm in now. Don't get me wrong I feel blessed that God has chosen me to be in this position. I just feel very inadequate to be here. So this morning when I walked into church with my jeans on and my sleeveless shirt, with my hair looking less than perfect because it was hot humid and getting four kids in the van and out of the van creates a little sweat I felt gross, a little bit like a let down to my congregation. I am constantly wrestling in my head with who God wants me to be. What kind of wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, and now pastors wife or "first lady" (which still makes me giggle a little bit). I have a lot of roles these days and I don't want to fail at any of them, I don't want to let anyone down.
Here's what I do know:
Not one person said or looked at me funny for wearing jeans in church. This morning was a wonderful spirit filled service full of people who love the Lord. I am a part of a church that loves me, my kids and is 100% behind my husband. My husband is my biggest fan and is happy I am with him on this crazy journey. Most of all, I know that my God does not care that I wore jeans in church this morning.

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well." Psalms 139:14

Friday, August 2, 2013

Just another day in Paradise

Today was one of those days that I would have preferred to stay in bed. Except that even if I was given the luxury of getting to stay in bed all day my mind wouldn't let me. I am one of those who as soon as my eyes are open it's a cue to my brain to begin listing all the things that need to be done, haven't been done and should have been done yesterday and all the consequences if those things don't get done.
Nathan has been teething terribly this week. I have gone back and forth in my mind trying to figure out if it's teething or if he's really coming down with something. You would think that having four kids I would have finally figured out the difference between teething and sickness. Well I haven't! With each kid a new experience comes with it. I wouldn't trade it for anything, but times like this I do wish they were a little more consistent. So along with this crazy teething/sickness comes the constant waking up in the middle of the night. I feel like he has gone back to his newborn days only I am not running on that adrenaline that hits those first two weeks of life. He's almost a year and has been sleeping through the night for quite some time and so... I am tired! T-I-R-E-D!
What is it about those first couple of weeks after you have a baby?? Who knows maybe it's just me but I have never felt so energized than I do right after the baby is born. Really, wish I could have bottled that up some how. I would come home from the hospital, my mom was always there and dad would come shortly after. The thought was that I would need all the help I could get those first few days because well... I just had a baby. Only for me, I was energized, I loved having my mom there and didn't want to miss one second with her. I would get up early, stay up too late, try to help in the kitchen then my dad would scold (so scold may not be the correct word for this time period but just go with it) me and tell me I was doing too much. I loved it I wish I could figure out how to get that same sort of adrenaline without having to birth another child. It was always about week three that suddenly my body would say "whoa there! I'm not sure if you're aware or not but you just had a baby....SIT DOWN...STOP MOVING!!!" and here I am 11 months later and my body seems to be saying the same thing. Well except the "you just had a baby" part.
Speaking of 11 months my little Baby Tot is going to be 1 soon. Which just reminds me that time is passing too quickly in our home. Can someone please tell me how to slow it down???
And so to end my little post today I will take a stroll down memory lane....
My conversation with Erin when she was 2. We were sitting in my parents kitchen right before her bed time and she insisted on having a snack.

Erin: "Mom can I have some cheerios?"
Me: "I guess"

Erin finishes her bowl and proceeds to ask for more.

Erin: "Mom can I have some more"
Me: " Oh no, I think one bowl is enough for tonight"
Erin: " I didn't ask for another bowl I asked for more cheerios!"

Just another day in paradise!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Revived

I'm BACK!! YES! I can hear the round of applause from all two of you that read this. Oh and I think I definitely heard a squeal or two, I can't be sure that the squeal didn't come from one of the four children in this house but I'm choosing to believe that someone out there is excited to read my ramblings.
I changed the title and description of my blog because I feel like it will be more than just about the daily activities of my children, although I'm sure the majority of my blogging will have something to do with them.( I do spend about 95 percent of my day with them.) I also believe that I have some stories, lessons, everyday events that may just speak to someone else. It's always a comfort to me to know I am not alone in how I react, feel, experience a situation. 
I can't promise this will be a daily blog but I will commit to at least once a week. There are moments in this house when things happen that just need to be shared. I mean with all these kids there is a lot of comedy happening.
Now I can't just end this post with a little blurb about this "NEW" and "IMPROVED" blog. I will share one of our most recent comedic events in the skelton household.
A conversation in the van went a little something like this:

Me: Hey Aiden we just passed a street named after you!

A: Really! What's it called?

Eric: Aiden! Quit acting like your mother!

Lots of laughter!