Tuesday, August 20, 2013

I am on this journey

This verse has some pretty special meaning in my husband. He used this verse when he asked my parents for permission to marry me. He also used this verse in many sermons/devotional talks he would give as a youth pastor. Even though this is a precious verse for my husband I've never really taken the time to sit down and discover what this verse could mean for me.

When I stop and consider all the places I have been and where I have come to now at this moment in my life I am amazed at how quickly it has passed. So I look at this verse and question has this been the race that God has marked out for my life and even more so did I run this race with my eyes on Him? Yikes!

I'm pretty sure I've got the running thing down. I've gotten really good at living the fast paced life. You know the one where you go go go all day long and barely get dinner before it's bed time and then you start it all over again the next day. It got so crazy at one point that when we would pick the kids up from school they would immediately ask us "are we going anywhere tonight? Who's house are we going to? do we have practice tonight?" if we were to ever answer those questions with a "no" we would hear a resounding "aaaawwwww but why not?" While it was great having children who truly loved our busy life style, but what were we teaching them. They had no appreciation for their own home or the desire to just be still for a moment. We needed to slow down our "race" this was not what God had in mind for our family. We were running a "race" but it was our own "race" not the one that God had specifically marked out for us. We had to slow down, readjust our gaze so that we were "fixing our eyes on Jesus". Once we did we have seen God's presence and his blessings on our life.

So Here I am again at the beginning of another new adventure in my life and I find myself taking off on this race and not paying attention to where I'm supposed to be looking. I am not a runner by any means ( I have dreams to be some day of course that would require more than just my few failed attempts to do the couch to 5k plan but another story for another day) in my few attempts at running I always found it easier to run when I was looking ahead instead of staring at the ground. The second I put my head down I start to get weary and lose momentum. The same is true when I take my eyes off of Jesus. I start to get weary, I lose my momentum and frankly there are days when I would rather quit. We are in a different phase of our life. It's a different kind of busy. We still have young kids but Eric is in a new role and so am I for that matter.

We have chosen to homeschool the kids for this year. It was a difficult decision and one that I still find myself questioning. We are starting some new and exciting things at church and there are moments when I feel very small and inadequate to accomplish them. We have the regular stresses that come with everyday life like trying to feed four children, make sure we can pay the bills. Eric and I have made some less than responsible decisions when it comes to our finances and I'd like to say we've learned from them but there are still those moments when I go into complete panic about how we're going to make it. What I have found though, is that these feelings come in huge waves when I have taken my eyes off of Jesus. I may be running this race but I'm running in circles.

So I am on this journey...I will run with perseverance this race and I will keep my eyes on Jesus.

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